Top 20 Reasons to Get Out of Jail

1. I Don't Know Why I'm Here
2. I Didn't Do It
3. It Wasn't Me
4. It Wasn't Mine
5. I Wasn't There
6. I Didn't Know
7. I Didn't Drink That Much
8. I Wasn't Driving
9. I Didn't Hit Him That Hard
10. Look, I'm Not Like The People You Normally Deal With...
11. It Was Just A Softball Bat
12. I Don't Even Own a Real Gun
13. What's A Warrant?
14. It's My Lawyer's Fault
15. I Was Set Up
16. She Said She Was 18
17. We Weren't Arguing That Loud
18. They Said It Was In My Pocket
19. It Was His Friend's Dad's Girlfriend's Mom's Credit Card
20. I'm Innocent ...Trust Me!

Never Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas.)
2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
6. You're not gonna check the trunk are you?
7. I pay your salary!
8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave ma a warning, too!
9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
11. When the officer says "Gee, Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably should not respond with "Gee, officer you reyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

Wise thoughts from a Jail inmate

Jail is hell I can tell

Especially when you can't get bail

I woke up this morning not by choice but by the sound of the deputy's roaring voice

Get up you bastards and start another day because the man is trying to get more pay

I am up in the morning by the crack of dawn but I won't get no rest till all the day is gone

He works us like dogs on this very day but for the job we don't get no pay

For every day you spend in jail you're going to catch hell

It's a feeling that you will never forget, a day in this jail will give you the shits, a year in this place would be the pits, what the outside looks like one soon forgets. I am telling you my friend this place is hell.

Georgia

Two men were driving through Georgia when they got pulled over by a State Trooper.

The cop walked up and tapped on the window and WHACK, the cop smacked the driver in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in Georgia, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Georgia, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer" the driver said. "I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, he's clean, gives the guy his license back.

The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.

The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the trooper smacks him on the head with his nightstick.

"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands.

"Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper.

"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.

"I know your type," the trooper says, "Two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, "I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"